Thoughts..
Umm let's see where to begin on these.
My friend Chey is having us write love letters to people we always wanted to say something to but never got to. At first I thought it would be fun, and it is fun in a way, but it makes me think a little more than I wanted to think. I think I may have taken this a little seriously, I've been writing it in parts because I'll get frustrated with myself and think did you really mean to say that, or am I really thinking that. I'm just about done, and now I'm going over it and saying why did you write to that person? Why not someone in your family you heartless bitch, why did you pick him? Maybe....maybe because it was the first time I truly felt valued? To be honest I don't know why I didn't choose to write to a family member who I never got to say I love you to. I probably should have and I've thought a lot about doing that in retrospect, and I've been guilty about it. However, I've become quite attached to this stupid little letter that I've written that will never really be received. It isn't even a "love" letter it is an affectionate letter, I guess. I don't really have a clue what it is for me. I'm excited for the exhibit I believe a bunch of Oxford people are coming up for it and I think we can dress up any excuse to wear dresses is always fun.
I have been bracing myself every time I open up gmail, which is quite a bit actually, because what if there is unwanted mail from a certain Oxford university. It's not like I've driven myself crazy trying to get there or making myself sick over it or anything. Also it's not like once I'm there I'll be expecting things to happen exactly like last time, only maybe a little bit, a lot bit, not just a bit lets bulk this bit up into a piece, a whole piece of me wants it to be the same. BUT guess what its not gonna be and I'm gonna be in for a shockeroo. (that is if I get in...)
In the pressing present I have a lab report to do. I'm and a sucky lab maker, and an even suckier lab grapher, I was not put on this earth to graph stdev..at least I don't think I was? Bringing me to another point of umm what do I want to be when I grow up (other than writer of course). I'm doing all these pre reqs for ot which is fine and good better than good it could be great, right? Umm why am I then planning on taking the LSAT, it's not like I've thought about being a human rights lawyer...not at all... or umm why have I been thinking about Fulbrights? This doesn't add up to OT? but then lawyer umm could be one of the driest things in the world, I just don't know, yet. I guess Grandma is asking about what I want to be, she would be very sad/disappointed/disgruntled if she knew I wanted to just write. She doesn't think that's a job, maybe she'll be proven right in the end, but for now its the only certain. I'm just have to pick a profession to earn a living while writing, so what will it be?
I'm not sure how to end this train of thought blog maybe I'll end with chocolet because everything is better if you end with chocolet, it could have been the worse entry yet and since I said chocolet at the end it suddenly goes up five points. So Chocolet, I would like some, that is all for now.
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